


Unmedicated

by PGT



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: A letter to those with anxiety and depression, Anxiety, Depression, Oneshot, Other, Sorry this was mainly for myself haha, Vent Writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-12
Updated: 2016-09-12
Packaged: 2018-08-14 14:25:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8017468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PGT/pseuds/PGT
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I wrote this crying with the realisation that I'm a selfish shit. So I applied my thoughts to Grif, who I relate to a lot haha.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unmedicated

**Author's Note:**

> <3

Grif was one of those people who didn't like taking medicine. It made him feel weak, how he couldn't function without a prescription.  
So, after being diagnosed with anxiety and depression, and taking medicine for three years, he stopped suddenly. He didn't want that dependency. And it worked-- for a while, anyways. There were entire weeks where he forgot about his depression, forgot about his mom and highschool and basic training.  
But then there were the days where he regretted leaving those antidepressants behind. The days where he realized how abnormal his apathy was, where his weight was a crippling observation. Days where Simmons’ typical remarks stung like fire and he was glad they wore helmets, so Simmons couldn't see the strain of blinking away tears.  
The days where he was blindingly aware that he was useless in Sarge's eyes. The days where he saw how he'd failed Kai as a guardian. Days he thought about the war in a way that made his stomach churn and his throat sore.  
No one ever noticed when he was like this-- or if they did, they never confronted him.  
Perhaps he was grateful for the lack of attention, he didn't want to burden them. And yet, that gratefulness wasn't quite true. As apathetic as he was, as little as he cared for those around him, the thought that they didn't care for him made him sick the most.  
The thought lead to the conclusion, “I'm selfish. I don't care for anyone else, but God help me if they don't care about me.”  
But he couldn't deny that thought. He didn't care about Sarge. Or Simmons, or Donut, or the blues or anyone else. Of course here were times he was glad to have them around.  
But when he took the time to visualise them dead, and felt nothing from it?  
\--  
Grif didn't like medicine. It made him dependant. But being dependant isn't a bad thing. It's okay to take antidepressants. It's okay to need therapy.  
I wrote this because today I had an anxiety attack, basically summarized as Grif felt in this. I don't care about people, yet I depend on them so heavily. I don't take medicine, but I need to.  
I dunno.


End file.
